To my wife: a special needs mother

You know I have always valued a random day more than a scheduled one. Especially a late November Sunday, when the first snow begins to fall, just as our long cold winter is beginning to settle in. 

 

So… Today is a day I wish to remind you how much you are valued, and loved, by me. Hopefully this can help to warm your soul.

 
First let me make sure we are clear on something. When writing to you, I am not trying to make our story a movie plot. Some heroic story. Some “The Notebook” copy. Or something that has never been done before (although I guess our story really hasn’t been done before, but you know what I am saying). I am just writing to you, to tell you how I feel. Yes I am sharing it with others, because I know how much I love to hear the truth of someone’s love, no matter the real bumps and bruises that are revealed. But at the core, this isn’t for anyone else. This is our story. And I think for us, and our children, we have the chance to be something special. This isn’t to compare. This is for you.
 

Every day you are pushed and stretched (except last weekend, for girls weekend 😉. Well deserved I might add). I see it, and feel it. I am sorry most days that I don’t do more to help. It passes through my mind that I can do more, it really does. But I promise you that I am trying. I know how committed to our two beautiful boys, and also how committed you are to me. I can assure you, I am equally committed in return.

 
If I am to tell you the truth, well, I am scared sometimes. Not very frequently, but sometimes. I am scared that we won’t make it. Although, I should obviously clarify that statement a bit more. There has never been a moment where I have even been close to giving up. Never. Ever. So, believe that. What I am saying, and I know we have talked about this before, is that I label myself a realist. Yes I dream deeply, but I also feel so connected to the reality of it all. Of our life, and how hard some of the days can feel. The days we feel there has been no progress made. The sleepless nights. The countless times we have cried together thinking of our current struggles, and the struggles yet to come. I am afraid that any given morning, either one of us could wake up different. That raising two children, while both working full time jobs, and navigating the additional stress of Autism in our lives, perhaps makes it harder for us to “make it”. Well, perhaps that occasional fear, is also what drives me even harder towards you.

 
With that said… nothing great comes without having to use some elbow grease.

 
I am so glad that we have a chance at this story of ours. This is our story. We are making it. And really, the reason I believe we can be something special, is because of you. 

 
You are our foundation. You are the steady heartbeat that keeps us moving along. And yes, I know we are a team. I know I have my leading moments in between. But you are the Batman, and I am Robin. Period. You are the light that continues to strengthen me, and our boys every single day.

 
Just look at the shit scheduled on your phone… I don’t know how you keep track of us all. I love you more and more… after each passing IEP meeting… 😅…

 
I’m not kidding Erin. You are something special. You are what I have always needed in life.  

 
So please… just because I clearly married up… don’t ever get rid of me.

 
Even though it is hard to see sometimes… I will continue to fight for our family. I will never give up. I will try to balance everything we have, to make sure not only our boys are happy, but that we are too.  

 
I only want to finish our story, alone, with you.  

 
I love you… ❤️ 

 
Hopefully this gets me… oh never mind…  😉